There is an imaginary family who live in a midwestern suburb. An ordinary family. Mom, Dad, Sister, and Brother. And two kittens who are living on the edge.
One member of the ordinary family who will not be named. . .well, Ok, let's just say that member of the family needed some immediate emergency attention by both Mom and Dad. In the bathroom. With the assistance of head lice shampoo and fine toothed combs. They say it takes up to three hours for this process. Especially if that un-mentioned family member has long and thick hair.
Anywho, so it's a real family affair. The three of us in a small bathroom combing and picking and disguarding tiny little nasties. Search and destroy over the vanity sink.
Wait.
Not three of us. Four.
Because the more agresssive of the two cats has decided to do its yoga routine at the feet of the unmentionable lice victim. Languidly sprawling out on his furry little back on her feet, on the tiles in front of the heat vent.
O no, not four. There are five of us.
Because now the lice victim's brother has to pee and he's too scared to use the bathroom downstairs because his entire family and pets are in this bathroom. What can they do? He crawls past everyone and. . .you know. Make your own sound effect.
CRASH.
Darn. The ordinary suburban mother's wine glass just shattered all over the bathroom floor. That's right folks. This was the perfect setting for a smooth Friday night merlot. Wash the week away. Down the drain. Flush the toilet. Brush the comb. Disinfest the scalp. Sweep the floor.
Human bonding, people.
And if you actually did read this dispatch, I am very sorry for the truths you have just learned about this imaginary ordinary midwestern suburban family. And yet I'm so grateful that you came over because as you can imagine these people need all the friends they can muster.
Take care, T
Omigosh, Terri, this is TOO funny! You made me LOL, baby ...
ReplyDeleteHow do you do this? You have the most amazing ability to tell stories like this with grace, compassion, self deprecation and humor! I'm always too close to the situation, and have no humor about it. I can just imagine the level of screaming and angst that would have attended such a moment in my own house... keep on writing! You keep me hopeful.
ReplyDeleteHow funny! I love it! Thanks for letting us share in one of those wonderful family adventures!
ReplyDeleteIf it helps at all, my hubby just had an adventure in drinking mouse poop in his hot chocolate. It was crunchy and it got stuck in his teeth!!! YUCKY!!!
Sending you hugs from afar - mostly afar because the lice thing freaks me out and I'm now itching everywhere - but sending you prayers too. Hopefully you'll find the Merlot soon.
ReplyDeleteOr whichever midwestern suburban mom that was...
HA! The post is hysterical and the tag just as funny. Keep 'em coming!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Terri and thanks to your Midwestern, suburban family. While it may not seem like it at the time, these stories and experiences put the living in life!
ReplyDeleteP.S. so, the cats are part of the family too!
THANK YOU dear friends for your comments about our lovely lice night. Your comments blended with others I received offline make the lice dispatch officially the most popular Charmer dispatch yet! :-) Anywho, REALLY appreciate your feedback. Believe it or not, the lice victim is laughing too. And we think she beat the bugs. Cheers!
ReplyDelete